I can't make up my mind how I want to approach the Erie Marathon because I'm just entirely unsure if I'll be able to do it. I've had a few people Message me on instagram or ask me in a comment why I am rushing the process.... believe me, I ask myself this all the time... But when you are a woman trying to balance family goals with the running goals (especially when it comes to the Boston Marathon) ... you just have to follow what feels right. I have two kids and I'm blessed to have them. I have no desire to be pregnant again... at least right now.... (still recovering from Maebel) but I am also feeling my heart break a little as my youngest tells me she needs the potty. I know.... Huge milestone for people, but to me having both kids out of diapers means I don't have a baby anymore. It's the first real feeling of your baby being independent... and I'm not ready! .... I don't know, this is probably the start of a separate post, but I guess the point is this: When I am making bad decisions about my running, it's because I'm putting it second fiddle to other goals or ideals or hopes and dreams that I have. In this case it isn't necessarily growing my family, but it's to keep the door open for that... Boston 2021 is very far away! I just can't commit to something that far away, so I'd love to get my first Boston under my belt so I can have more flexibility when it comes to everything else (not just family planning...."planning".... because, you can't really plan these things) . I know I don't need to explain myself, but I guess it's sort of a disclaimer. I do not recommend the process that I am doing when coming back from injury. I do not recommend having a race on the schedule... but it's there, I'm registered, so until further notice I'm still planning to do it... but maybe I wont go all in... "BQ or BUST" because.... if training indicates it's highly unlikely, I'll move on. Not sure what Ill move on to! Hopefully we wont need to find out! I’m just way too smart of a runner to be that stubborn and ignorant to the risks I’m taking. Here's where this week brought me.

Monday: 1 hour spin, PT, Glute activation
I did my usual Monday spin class. I struggled a lot with this a lot. Last week I was able to easily stay above 200 watts, but I couldn't even come close to that this time. I polled instagram asking if it had anything to do with a small adjustment of my seat and most said yes. I had a lot of people direct message me about it. I learned a lot! I'm going to try to pay more specific attention to the exact seat position this time. I'm back at work, back on the concrete floor, back expending energy that I didn't have to last week... so it very well could have been that, too. All in all though, a good workout and a decent first day of summer school....not perfect, but.... decent.

Tuesday: OFF (PT)
Tuesday was totally off and I totally enjoyed that. I'm still trying to be careful with how I balance the PT and increase in mileage... and I think I need to always be that way. I'm really going to have to be this careful for the rest of my life I think. It sucks, but I can't just causally run 3 miles anymore. Every run I do forever needs to be a little more intentional than I needed to be prior to having Maebel. Who knows, perhaps in the future this will be better, but this is how it is for me now. If you are able to just go out an run without having to foam roll or ice, or stretch, I envy you....but I just can't do that anymore, unfortunately. These two days off from running were necessary. 

Wednesday: 5 mile railtrail run 8:30 range.
I really enjoyed this run. I felt really good. I thought on this run a lot about how good my hip felt. For the first time in a long time I really didn't have to think about my hip. Of course I still did, but instead of the usual thoughts... about how it's still in pain, should I keep going or should I stop, is it getting worse...? .... my thoughts were "wow, my hip feels good!" "Is this really getting better?" "man, PT is working"... It was nice to have some positive thoughts for once! It was a little hot since I had to run in the middle of the day, but the rail trail keeps things pretty cool since it's completely shaded. I bumped into my friend Cat after the run and walked about a mile with her and her new dog which was a good way to cool down. The plus to summer school is that I can keep my kids in daycare until 4:30 but I’m out at 12:30, so for the first time in a really long time I have a bit of “free time”... hell, i might even take a nap!

Thursday: 35 minutes Bike, lift, PT
It was really hot and sticky today. I noticed my calves a little sore waking up this morning so I decided to bike. They are a different sore that’d I’d normally run through, but taking my PTs warning very serious and increasing as easy as humanly possible (with a marathon less than 10 weeks away- no big deal!) I hope I turn a corner with the calf pain soon. I know that the reason they are sore is because I am doing the calf raises and running and according to the PT my calves still aren't strong enough to really be running at all... so, none of this is a surprise to me. I'm just trying to keep myself out of the hole until the PT catches up to the training... but realistically that's not how it works. I had done so many calf raises it was really disappointing to find out that I was not doing them correctly. I"m pretty good about making sure I do things right... but part of the reason I needed the orthotics is because my big toe was all locked up and as a result I couldn't get those calf raises done without slightly rolling to the outside of my foot... so... not engaging the whole calf.... ugh... now I'm using the whole calf but trying to catch up! So much over thinking!

I'm not one to really stress or complain about hills in general (It's F'ING hilly where I live, so if I'm complaining it's because It's bad!)... but when your calf is your issue, the elevation is important to notice. I've been running a lot on the soft, flat, rail trails... so this was my first day running from my house where it's really hilly. My calves seemed fine, and it was really nice out. I almost kept going to do a 7 mile loop, but I reminded myself that I have to stay injury free and be especially cautious in the first 4 weeks when I'm adjusting to the rehab... so I turned around and did the (yawn) same out and back I've done a million times... but, the sun began to come down lower and on my way back, it was really pretty out... and I appreciated turning around to get to see the sun at the top of the hill (one of the many!)... at the end of the day I do this to see the world... even if it’s the same place, everything looks new in different light!

Saturday: Easy 5 (half with the stroller)
My husband and I learned about another balloon festival right near our house (well, an hour away, but thats not very far for us) so we packed the girls in the car and drove to Northampton (NOHO) to run. Theres a really great bike path out there. Usually we run from the Easthampton side since my brother lives there, but he's coaching Climbing Nationals (or something) so he's not around... so we went to park on the NOHO side so we could see more of the trail. We started where I usually have to turn around. It was beautiful out. I felt pretty good, but unfortunately when I finished running I noticed some stabbing shin pain when i ran my hands over my legs. ugh. I know this is because my calves are still too weak to properly support the tibia. It's discouraging, but not surprising... In my head I hoped the orthotics would be some sort of miracle workers, and while they've helped a lot, I'm just simply still too weak. Ugh. I'm hoping this will get better quick. It didn't hurt to run and barely hurt walking but I'm trying to not ignore anything, especially in these early stages. I hope I turn a corner quickly (give me a dollar for every time I say that!). I went from doing 2 calf raises to already being able to tolerate 10x2 in one week. I need to get to 30 to feel like I'm "rehabbed" and can tolerate typical increases. In the meantime, I'll just keep following around balloon festivals with my family.
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Sunday: Pool walk/Run, calf raises
What was supposed to be a 7-9 mile day ended up nothing. I am playing it safe and if I don't get to Erie I don't get to Erie. I'll be bummed. I spent a lot of this day questioning if I just scratch it completely... but I just can't. Instead I have to focus on the next step, the next workout, the next day... and see where I get. Right now I need to put my primary focus on the PT. I also have decided I'm going to run on soft terrain as much as possible and get back in a bulkier shoe to absorb shock for my shins (when you have weak calves your shin bone doesn't get as much support so it absorbs more shock). I took my girls in the pool at my parents house and did a light whirlpool running. Low impact but still giving me a chance to use my calves so that they can start to adapt to these stresses. I feel like I"m really close to being done with all these injuries, if I wasn't trying to multitask, I'd be back much sooner... but.... I just can't make the best choice for my running right now, I've been doing what I thought was smart but was actually dumber than what I’m doing right now, for the past two years and I almost made it..... so now I just need to get a tiny bit further with more information

Overall a pretty good week, but disappointing reality check. Not good progress for Erie, but I'm making progress overall. I'm just going to keep going on this BQ path until I can't anymore... I’m still just grateful for the hope and the light and the teeny tiny progress that gives me breath. Next week will be really light and then I’ll be in Colorado getting some runs in with my husband! Onward.

Hi Friends! I still consider this week "Week 9: The Last Comeback" But I feel like I've taken a big turn this week and my focus has shifted from focusing on the injuries and the "comeback" to thinking more about my future. I know a lot of people say it, but for me it is more true than ever: BQ or BUST. Literally, if I don't BQ it's because I busted something up again. I feel pretty strongly that I've gotten to the bottom of the injuries. Even my hip I've gotten some answers for but not necessarily a complete solution... improvements are being made for sure! The big thing I learned this week is that I'm not even close to out of the woods with injuries. Trying to balance rehabbing the injuries while increasing mileage for the marathon is not smart... but it's what I want to do. Lots of people may disagree with my choice, but it’s my risk to take and my consequences to weigh and I’ve made my decision- I’m going for it. I'll discuss later in this post when I recap my PT appointment... but when your PT says "you're playing with fire" in regards to running the Erie Marathon in under 10 weeks, you know it's not going to be a smooth ride! But I'm going for it anyway. I am exhausted from the injuries, but I'm also exhausted from being sidelined from the goals that matter to me. I really don't want to wait until 2021 to finally experience Boston.... especially when I'm not sure what my family plans are... I want to keep doors open... so I at least need to try. If I play it safe I wait until 2021... if I risk it I either make it in for 2020 or I get injured and wait until 2021.... So I really would rather risk it since the difference between playing it safe and risking it is essentially the same thing worst case scenario. I don’t think I’m doing long term harm in trying. PR's are nice, but so are experiences.... and I'd rather put PR's on hold and experience the races I haven't had a chance to yet. So here is my first full official week of Erie Marathon training, which is the very last day to secure a BQ.

MONDAY: PT
I started my day with a PT evaluation so I did a lot of things like calf raises and more to failure. The appointment was definitely thorough and getting to the nitty gritty. My glutes actually tested pretty strong, and as a result I think I was looked at more closely than usual. Last time I had my hip assessed the underlying issue that popped up first was a glute issue. Now that I finally have that under control the next layer of this injury could be addressed. This appointment ran over so I was able to schedule one for the following day before I got answers. 
Spin Class, 25.3 "miles", 216 Watts (Average)
I'm well aware that "miles" on a spin bike aren't real "miles" but now that I have a few weeks of spinning I can at least compare one effort to the next. This is the most "miles" I've covered in one class. I think miles are measured by revolutions, so if the class has a lot of "hills" it's harder to get the mileage... but on the other hand it's easier to get in the Watts. So I put my main focus into the power because that is the best gauge for how much energy I'm putting out. I usually warm up before class really easy so my average has been in the 160-170 range. This time I warmed up and then let the computer reset so I could get a better idea of how much power I was putting out in the hour. I feel like 216 is pretty damn good! My calf felt a tiny bit tight, but I knew it was from PT. My PT was very concerned about the lack of strength in my calves. Now that I have orthotics, my calves are finally being used correctly, but, wow, I couldn't even do 5 calf raises correctly... no wonder I kept getting injured! Super proud of the effort I put in in Spin. My fitness is there! Just have to get my muscles and bones to adapt! 

TUESDAY: PT
Today I was given my new drills for my hip and calf. I have general calf raises which I have to do with my orthotics to train the muscles that have been neglected for years. My PT is absolutely beside himself with how weak they are given how much running I was doing. I think I don't use my calves until I'm really tired. I use a lot of hip torque and and core when I run... which is also why my hip struggles so much. Compensation, compensation, compensation!  Anyway, my hip issue is a stability issue. the muscles and soft tissue that support and keep my hip in its socket are not stabilizing for one reason or another. I suspect things just got over stretched in labor, but as a result my hip is moving around in the socket too much and sometimes pinching things and other times just moving around and rubbing in the wrong spot. Again, compared to a car with a tire that is not tightened. Rattling, bumpy, and inefficient! It makes sense on why I can never quite pinpoint if it's take off or landing that hurts more. It's BOTH! Just different. I have a bunch of new balance and stabilizing drills to do in addition to the calf raises. I need to be really careful which days I do the calf raises in relationship to my runs. The calf raises themselves are pushing the boundry of what I can do, so the run just adds to the stress. I have to rehab really really intelligently. It's a little stressful.

4.5 Miles. .25 walk, 4 run, .25 walk 8:40ish (Run)
Because I'm still walking for parts of my run, I don't have accurate pace. I'm trying to not care. I know I started in the 9-9:30 range for the first mile but the rest were 8:30ish. I ran next to my husband who pushed the stroller initially and then I took the stroller for the end (the downhill section). I felt really good and a lot of relief over the PT that I have been given. I really truly feel it's addressing my needs more than I ever have before. It's really weird though because the drill I have on my right side is different than the drill on my left side because my legs are both so different (one really tight, one really loose!) But this is the best I've felt since pregnancy! Once postpartum, always postpartum. 

WEDNESDAY: 4.5 Miles before Fireworks (.25 walk, 4 run, .25 walk) Run in the 8:10-8:30 range
Matt has to work a Fourth of July 4 miler in Keene NH, so we decided to make a family vacation out of it. We stayed in a Hotel so that Matt could get to the race really easily the next day. I ran on a bike path, it was super sunny... but also a little buggy when I was finishing since the sun was coming down. We went to the fireworks after. 50% of the kids liked them. haha! Raea is predictable with how she responds to loud noises. She always cries at first but usually gets used to it once she realizes she is not going to get hurt... but in the future we might try to watch them further away. We were guests to the town, so didn't really know what to expect. It was still fun leading up to the fireworks and once the crying subsided she liked the colors. Maebel loved​ it and wont stop talking about it! 

THURSDAY: FREEDOMMMMMM! 
I had the day off from running and cross training. I just did my PT drills and enjoyed eating all the food at Matts sisters house, who lives near where the race. The kids got to play with their cousins and friends so it was a really low key day. After wards we headed up to Vermont because, ​why not? 

FRIDAY: 4.5 with a walk and run again. closer to 10:00 with the double stroller
Burlington Vermont is one of our favorite places to run so we spent the day up there and ran on the bike path. It was a bit windy and really humid. The wind is so hard with the double stroller since it just catches all the wind. When I finished I let the girls play in the treehouse and on the playground while Matt got his 12 miler in. We got some pizza together and then learned there was a Balloon Fest a few towns toward home. We went to that. It got a later start than we thought so we had to get another hotel for after the Festival. I have a great memory of a Hot Air Balloon landing right outside my window as a kid, so I was really excited to do this with my girls. They loved it! We are definitely going to plan to do it again next year and have a better hotel situation. As I mapped out in my previous post, getting the right hotel is helpful when staying with kids. We were stuck with a room that wasn'kt anything like what my kids are used to and as a result I lost my shit on my wild and crazy overtired kids. Took me a while to fall asleep coping with mom guilt and I even carried it into the next day.... but all they seem to remember is the awesome balloons, so that's all that matters!
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SATURDAY: 5.5 mile run on the Stowe Bike Path (plus some walking before and after.... 6 miles total) 8:20ish pace
I was still feeling stressed and upset about the night before so Matt took the girls for a stroller run so I could run by myself and decompress. I needed it! I loved the run and the new-to-me bike path. It was super crowded  though. After the run I sat in the river and cooled off/ showered. We had no hotel room now so I was able to "clean off" enough for the ride home to be less uncomfortable. Thank God the girls fell asleep on most of the ride home and so did I. I was tired. 

We relaxed all morning and then around 1:00 got out of the house. We took the girls to a playground near the local rail trail. Matt played with them while I ran, then we traded. We followed up the night with some live music and food at a local brewery that we go to often. My kids are so spoiled. Never a dull day! But Matt and I both get back to the grind tomorrow. I think we are all craving that consistent schedule again.... although I'm not looking forward to work! I'm prepared at least! 

If anyone has tips on how to get adults to sleep at a hotel (or at home, also) I’m all ears! I’d love to wake up like this!

Any tips to add? Comment below! I’m sure you’re all thinking of the obvious “make them tired!” But I just call that parenting....”make kids as tired as possible so they will go right to bed” rinse, repeat.....

Hope you all had a fantastic Fourth! Despite Raeas overly dramatic initial reaction to the fireworks, we had a blast! But next year we will view them from further away to be sure no one is traumatized.

Week 8, this was a GOOD week! I didn't do much cross training or anything like that, but It was my first full week off from work. One more to go before I return for Summer School... and I'm going to try to make the best of all my time!  This week I stayed busy, so busy I never got in a second blogpost. I thought for sure this blog would pick up this summer but... what can I say? I'm too busy living! Here's how the week went!

Monday: 2 Miles 11:00/mi
Since I ran on Sunday, this was my first back to back run so I reduced the overall cumulative time from the 30-40 minutes of walk/running to 25 minutes or so. 5 minute walk, 2x7:00 run, 5 minute walk. I followed up with some lifting but not much. I've been doing some very specific breathing work for my pelvic floor since I seem to have my breathing backwards still. When you inhale your pelvic floor should come down and when you exhale it should go up. When I think about it I can get that pattern going but when I'm moving I've been doing "check in's" and notice I'm reversed more often than not. I'm really not in a position to be lifting too much until I get this under control so Breathing and "kegal type" exercises have been my main form of strength training. I wont say that I'm doing kegals because when I saw the pelvic floor PT, I'm in a constant state of Kegal, so I've found a few things I'm trying out to see if it sticks. I'll share once I have a better grasp on it. Additionally I've been doing the band drills. I also put some goblet squats, and single leg dead lifts in this time but reduced the weight by 10-15lbs 

Tuesday: OFF
You'll notice I've been doing less cross training lately as the running has increased. I just want to be sure I'm not doing too much. I'm not too concerned about my fitness (Nobody remind me of that marathon I signed up for!) I get into shape really fast. I just need to stay healthy. Every day I do the band drills and I've been foam rolling the CRAP out of my abs to help with that groin pain. It's been a lot less significant but still present. I also got an internal tool to properly access the pelvic floor. Sounds more exciting than it is... it's actually pretty painful, but since I've started using it I feel a little better. I'm also pretty sure the orthotics are helping my groin/pelvic floor pain, too because on days I've worn them less (now that I"m home I'm barefoot in the house if I forget to put my orthotics on) I've been more sore. The Podiatrist thinks I may have some permanent dysfunction, so I'm okay with it... just trying to get it as insignificant as possible. 

Wednesday: 3x10:00 run 1:00 walk (with 5 minute walking warm up and cooldown
I hit the railtrail today. It was really humid but fortunately it wasn't too bad in the train since it is completely covered. The Horseflies were loving my walk breaks but I just dealt with it. My groin felt really really good on this run but my right calf  was a smidge tight. I thought of this as a good thing since all my PT assessments highlighted my left calf pulling because it was compensating for my right... so any slight fatigue on the right side was a good sign for me.... a sign that it's working. Now the key is to properly adapt the muscles.... which I feel I've been doing really gradually and appropriately.... perhaps more gradual than even necessary at first (sooo many days of 1 or 2 minute intervals!) but it'll hopefully pay off! 

Thursday: 4.73 Miles of trails. Lots of stop and go due to technical trails
I was excited to have this week to regroup. My kids still had daycare 3 times a week so on those days I had a little bit of freedom so I could feel like "Caitlyn" before and not "Mom" or "Mrs. Germain" ... I got to be myself and fully embrace my own personal time. When I first had kids I was so concerned about the effect daycare would have on them having been raised in a house where I had a stay at home mom. I felt so much guilt for having to be a working mom. My debt left me no choice.  I'm still so so so happy we managed to keep the girls home for the first years of their lives, but now that we've settled with a daycare that is consistent and reliable, it's so freeing. The girls really love it there (Maebel legitimately pushes me out the door when I try to give her one more kiss). These few days made me a better person. My work burns me out so much and, also due to my debt, I work summer school so I never get that full break that most teachers get... so a few days being able to catch up on laundry, take a nap, watch whatever TV I want to, eat my food without anyone begging at my feet, or go for a run wherever I want (within reason) and get to stretch and breathe after (literally... like those breathing exercises) is refilling up my tank that's been on E since January. 

On my run I ran in the more technical trails that branch of of the wide railtrail bed that I run on frequently. When I popped out of the narrow paths to cross the bridge, I saw my 91 year old grandmother walking with my mom! ​It was such a surprise! I walked with them for like 10 minutes. I wasn't really attached to any specific running workout, I just knew I was doing two runs in a row so this being the second run, it had to be more relaxed. The trails keep me inspired but also slow, and my gramma helped keep me inspired and slow too. At 91 years old, the 10 minute walk with her was way more valuable to me than any run and I'll always remember it! 
I picked the girls up after school and Raea was asking for the gym. I took her to my moms pool instead and fed them at her house. Another win! No mess to clean up at home! 

Friday: OFF
Friday was a scorcher, and I was in a bad mood pretty much from the start of the day. I've mentioned it here a few times, but my debt has me stressed. Specifically my foot debt in this instance. I thought I had paid for all the orthotics and treatments (three pay period in May means "extra" money) but I didn't realize that the Xrays I got weren't covered by insurance. They are covered when I go to the ER (but I pay a fee for the ER) but in a specialist office I have to reach a deductible first... so I got slapped with that bill on top of the usual's that occasionally get me upset, those pesky student loans. I've been more invested than usual in the presidential candidates due to the fact that I'm a hardworking person who had to get a masters degree in order to do a thankless job where rates of Autism continue to increase and I am  a specialist....and expert in a field that is undervalued and underpaid... and even if I had a perfect credit score I can't get a house because my debt to income ratio... ugh... come on, give me a break. There's been more chatter than usual about the debt crisis because I am not alone. I'm not asking for cancellation (but hell, I wouldn't argue either!)... but when you make a mortgage payment on a loan that is more interest than principal, someone is a criminal, and it's not the person who has past due balances. Anyway, I met Matt somewhere... He's been off working all week taking advantage of me being home he's been away... and what was supposed to be a good night ended up... Meh.... But we still went to the lake and a food truck festival, and the girls seemed to have fun. I wish I had my phone at the lake because they were so adorable! But, it was in the car overheating.  
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Saturday: 5.4 miles
We rebounded Saturday. We got off to a lazy start (which I loved! No dance!) The girls slept in so we slept in and phew! I ran out of melatonin earlier in the week and keep forgetting until I go to bed... Placebo or not, as a result my sleep has been terrible so the sleeping in was needed. Our friends were having a Baby Reveal party, and so we had to make a 2 hour drive to their house. Matt did his run before we left but I opted to do mine at a halfway point during our drive. So while I ran Matt took the girls to get "girl" and "boy" balloons and I ran on the Minuteman Trail. It was really nice! I have run here before but not this particular section. I always like running somewhere new. I did 2x2 miles of running with a 2 minute walk between and I felt good! My paces have been surprising me because I just started running, but I'm fit and I think if I can stay injury free I'll surprise myself even if the main goal is just to qualify for Boston. My hip still bothers me (do I write this every day!?) but I can manage it. There's a possibility it's permanent to some extent, and when I heard that I was both relieved and motivated. Relieved because I can stop worrying about working so hard to get it to 100% and instead focus on how to strengthen the areas that pick up the slack so that they can handle the extra load... but I'm motivated because challenge accepted... Permanent you say? I'll show you!... two polarizing feelings but it sort of gives me freedom to stop looking for answers if I am too tired and just move on to the acceptance phase... but on days where I have extra energy, I can still see what sort of progress can still be made. Again, it's only a dull pain most of the time (like wobbly and unstable)... but I think the orthotics have even helped a bit by stabilizing from the feet. 

We found out our friends are expecting a girl! Which is super exciting since we have two girls! On our way home they both fell asleep for a while. We got home at 7:30 and I was like "crap, there's no way they are going down now!"... So we randomly decided to grab our Jammies, some bug spray, dinner and go to the Drive In in the next town to see Toy Story 4. No spoilers... but we did enjoy it. I love the ending of Toy Story 3... so a 4th didn't seem necessary, but it did not disappoint... and still pulled on those heart strings like the previous one. Go see it!

Sunday: 3.88Miles 5 minute walking warm up, 30 minutes consecutively, take cover!
Another day of mixing Showers with running. Literally. First I went to my cousins Bridal Shower. It was really nice and I loved all the food. I threw my gym bag in the car just in case I could get a run in before coming home. The day was scattered thunderstorms and so I was just going to go when I saw an opening. The Shower was at a country club, and right when it was ending a thunderstorm was also ending. I figured since there weren't any golfers out I could just run around the course until I heard more thunder and then whatever I got in I got in. This is my second set of two days of running in a row so I wanted to be more flexible depending on how my body was feeling. I felt really good (other than the fact that I ate dessert(s) 5 seconds before I changed to run) so I just went for 30 consecutive minutes. More consecutively than previous runs but less cumulatively. At this point I've gone a little rogue from the walk run program because I'm just about graduated from it and the marathon is 10 weeks away. I don't want to start training soooo  gradually that I run out of room to gradually increase the mileage when the volume starts getting higher. I figure overtime it's safer to make the quicker increases now... especially since I've spent a month walk/running with no adverse or red flag days. I just really needed these orthotics and it's more obvious now that I have them. Hindsight. What can you do? As soon as I finished my 30 minutes I got in the car. Not ideal because I didn't want to tighten up, but the thunder had started again during my last 5 minutes and I felt like I was pushing my luck a bit. I didn't feel like dying. At home I made sure to do all the drills and foam rolling at night. (and glute bands!) 
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Overall it was a really good week and a good month. Here is my progression and totals for the month of June. I have PT on Monday and Tuesday (It's actually Monday right now and I just left PT, but no spoilers! More information later!) and I'm hopeful!  
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.Here we go! My first week that had some summer vacation in it! Sitting here writing this I can't believe I worked last week at all! It's been a crazy week! I like to feel inspired to write because at the end of the day it's all for me anyway... but I know there are some running nerds out there who really love to read about training, so I'll try my best to stick with it even though it is pretty redundant right now.

Monday 6/17: 
3 mile walk/run and 1 hour spin. 
I was on the treadmill for the run again, but today I didn't have the girls in Kids Korner. I could have run outside but since I'm still adjusting to running in the orthotics it's easier to be on the treadmill so I can just take them out if I need to. I started with a 5 minute walk and then did 3:00 runs and 2:00 walks for 35 minutes and covered exactly 3 miles in that time then got straight in for spin. 
Spin class was really hard per usual, but really celebratory of the hard year of work I did in school this year. I've mentioned before that the spin instructor is my coworker and so a lot of the songs and themes were related to school being out which made me so psyched! I really still can't believe I made it through this year. It was so hard (that was the other blog I started writing... but... ugh, teachers can't complain about work the way normal people can, especially when it involves a specialized population like my work does so I didn't publish it even if I was done tastefully.) I did the glute warm up stuff before the run today so that was about all I did for strength work today. 

Tuesday: OFF
I did not do anything after school today. I was just very, VERY happy to be done with school. I spent the whole day at work getting prepped for next year. I went through every students IEP on my list for next year and prepared assessments and binders, and so much work ... The kids had a pretty low key day of mostly movies and cleaning. Sometimes that can be really difficult for kids with Autism because the schedule change is tough, but they handled it well and that really was helpful. I hope that the work I've put in to prepare for next year eliminates a lot of the stress I feel in the beginning of the year. I don't have time for that stress I've got a marathon to run!​

Wednesday: 4.2 Miles with double stroller.
My husband had a big meeting in Boston so he left really early. He's been very busy since he returned from Switzerland. There's a light at the end of the tunnel! His deadline is approaching and I'll be really happy when it's here! Even though he's home a lot, he's really busy. I wasn't going to be able to get the kids into Kids Korner today because I had Raea's dress rehearsal for dance so I didn't want to kill an hour in commuting. So instead I took the girls to the rail trail and got in a walk run there. Run 5 walk 1... first time in the orthotics for the full run. It was really humid and as a result really buggy so maybe the rail trail wasn't the best choice. It was fine as long as I was running, but the walk breaks were no fun. It could have been worse, but certainly got chased by bugs more than I wanted. Raea was even saying "mom! You can't walk! They're going to get us!".... I put bug spray on all of us before so the mosquitoes mostly just flew around us.... but still annoying. I felt okay, but felt a little sore in my hip today. I have to assume it's because I'm pushing 100lbs and that is putting stress in areas differently. I don't know. Whatever. I rushed home to get a late lunch for the girls and start getting ready for the rehearsal. I was so proud of Raea for getting up on stage and doing so well! She was nervous but when the lights were on, she was nothing but smiles! Kids are so resilient! She loved watching the other dancers. I noticed my coaches daughter dancing. She was born when I was in high school, and she had a solo. I might have cried a bit watching her and thinking about him not being there. Ugh! Being a parent has made me cry for pretty much everything in life! Anyone else? 

Thursday: OFF
I went to the podiatrist in the morning and got the okay to increase runs and or keep the runs the same and do one back to back. When he pressed around on my heel, I still had pain so that was annoying, but the good news is I don't feel it when I wake up or walk around. It's still healing but it's able to heal since I'm not putting much stress on it anymore. I was really hesitant with the orthotics. I hate this idea that I am dependent on something or that I need something unnatural to function optimally....  but alas, he said that my quick adjustment to them just shows how much I needed them. 

Friday: 3.5 Miles
Still walk/running, but now I'm doing 5 minute intervals. It was really pretty out even though it was insanely humid. I thought a lot of my old coach, Kevin Kirk, who passed away 5 years to the day. He’s been on my mind a lot for many reasons, 1. As mentioned earlier in the week, I saw his daughter dance a solo with lyrics and grace that made me cry, 2. The mount Washington road race always remind me that the anniversary of his death is approaching. I was up in the mountains as close to heaven as you can get around here and even with the limited service i got a text sending word he passed. It was one beautiful day in the clouds.... perfect for the man I thought of as a second father. I focused on enjoying my health this run... and that’s all he ever asked of me.... that and to “breathe”....

I got my hair done in the morning and actually added color to it. YIKES! I'm getting used to it, but I also chopped off a lot so I felt really light and free. It feels so nice to not have hair smacking me in the back or pulling on my head an causing a headache. I felt decent on this run and since my kids were in daycare I had a chance to do some really focused pelvic floor work. My sister started a program and told me about it. I've tried a few of the breathing exercises to see if I like it the program. They are really hard!

Saturday: Off
I was miserably sore in my abs today. It had to be from the pelvic floor stuff. I spent the whole day lifting and doing stairs helping my mom and dad clean the barn where all of my siblings and I have stored our crap for the past decade. We made a lot of progress! It was kind of fun to look at all my old things! 

Sunday: 4 miles
Walking warm up, 7 minute run and 1 minute walk x 4. I felt pretty good today even though it was so hot. It was the first really hot day and I wasn't prepared. Usually, when it's going to be hot, you plan to run at night or in the morning and be sure to hydrate. I wasn't sure when I'd get to run today because we had Raea's recital. I certainly didn't do a very good job hydrating (I was afraid to need the bathroom 100 times during the show!). We ordered some pizza for immediately after the show to have at my moms house (where Maebel was waiting with my sisters) and pretty much right when I finished eating I snuck out for a run while Raea was playing with her Aunties. It's so nice when they are home for the summer. Starting next week one of my sisters will be working at the gym in the Kids Korner! We joke that she'll finally be paid to watch my kids. I'm so lucky to have them watch the girls without even batting an eye... and my daughters love it! 

So I'm starting to really run albeit only a few days a week, but I'm excited for this training cycle. I'm honestly excited to just focus on running a BQ and to dial back the goals to something that doesn't scare me or put the pressure on. It makes it a lot easier to just enjoy the process and I think I really need that right now. who knows maybe as things start picking up I can change my goal, but for now... just staying focused on staying healthy. 

Since Global Running Day I've been trying to write a post about the person who inspires and has positively influenced my running, but I could not put it into words. And then Gabe Grunewald died and I tried to do it again... and then I tried again when I wrote my weekly recap.... and now, 5 years after his death, I still can't put into words how much my high school coach, Kevin Kirk, meant to me and how much he influenced my life, and still continues to. He was as stoic and poetic as it comes... and any of my words wouldn't do justice. Words aren’t my thing, but Running is. I try to continue to express my gratitude when I run and do my best to be present when I run and honor him that way... the only way I know how....

Rest In Peace, My friend. Thank you for everything.... You are loved and missed.

I’m movin’ along guys. I’m running, I’m waking up without sharp pain, and I’m feeling less injured. Like I've said before, my foot has been manageable. If I wanted to try another training cycle, I’d likely make it pretty far without any intervention beyond the rest I gave myself between shamrock and Easter... but if I want to do and be the best I can, my foundation needs to be stronger and more stable. That foundation is my feet. The custom orthotics are the most firm thing I’ve ever had on my feet. Very stable for sure! I’m almost in them full time and the progress is clear. So far I feel they have been worth the money and I wish I tried them sooner. I just was always managing so why put a ton of money into something that isn't that bad? The difference between then and now is that it went beyond managing just to run... I was just managing in every day activities, too. I couldn't take it and finally took action! I'm super excited about what is to come! Even if it doesn't look anything like my hopes and dreams for myself two years ago... at this stage to be able to train and race uninterrupted would be a dream. So right now that's the goal... that and a ​BQ

Monday: 1.5 mile run, Spin
​I have always been blessed with people around me that hold me up when I can’t hold myself. Heading into this last week of school with Dance coming to an end and Matt doing the work of at least 3 people in his job spreads me a bit thin. In a hurry. Always in a hurry. I wanted to do Monday spin but it was Sunday when I decided to sign up and it’s typically booked. I went on the app but to my surprise it wasn’t! So I added myself to what I thought was the 5:45pm class. I drove home after work (30 minutes) to pick up the girls, drove back to kids korner. Just enough time to get changed and squeeze in a short 30 minute walk/run and double with a spin. Since my runs are lots of walking still, I’m keeping the cross training efforts high until running gradually replaces most of it. I have a marathon in 12 weeks. Gotta get to work! Anyway, it was 5:10 and I was putting my towel on the bike and getting the seat and bars adjusted to my preference so I could walk in right on time and not miss a beat. There were people already there! I asked if the class was 5:45 (I get being early but... aren’t you really early?) and, nope, 5:30. Shit. I got the time wrong. I swear it was 5:45pm but whatever. I’ll walk/run for a quick 15- 20 and skip the cool down walk because I’m going to get right to spin so NBD. I felt fine on the treadmill and managed just under 2 miles, and then when I got to spin the instructor was like “yeah, I knew there was no way you were coming to my morning class...”( 5:45am...it all made sense now). “I switched you to this one, you’re lucky I had a cancel!”... the instructor, Meagan, is the adaptive PE teacher in my program at school, so she’s seen me roll into work late. NOT a morning person! She had my back! Spin was hard AF, but I think it will be really good after long runs to get blood flow back. Hoping to make Monday more regular! I may have to ease up on my intensity though but I think, especially for this training block where I’m only going for a BQ, it will be a good alternative or addition.

Tuesday: 
I did not run on Tuesday. My Mother-in-Law was watching the girls at the house, and I didn't feel like shoving them in the car and rushing around. I had been restless all night following along with Gabe Grunewald's husband on instagram. She. died on Tuesday and although we didn't find out until much later at night, Her husband had shared a few intimate posts about her declining health and it just pulled at my head and my heart. I had trouble sleeping thinking about her and how she could be taking her last breaths any second while I slept. I thought about my coach, Kevin Kirk, who died of cancer a few years ago (almost to the day. June 21) and how a few years ago I was visiting him at his house and trying to find words to say goodbye without saying goodbye because you don't want to say it and make it real. He was like a father to me. I have a father who I love and who is still alive.... but outside of family influence, no one in my life has more profoundly impacted me than Kevin Kirk. It's weird to think that someone can impact your whole  life through a sport, but athletics and the community it builds is that powerful. I learned a lot about the power of sport, running in particular, through Kevin Kirk... and I found myself reliving a lot of those feelings, memories and realizations through following Gabe's story and rewatching interviews with her and how important running was to her. Kevin Kirk would always say to me "Enjoy your Health". No matter what result I received or even what injury I was bitching about, those three words were always his response. And although Gabe was sick for a long time by many peoples standards, I thought about those three words in relationship to the life she lived. She enjoyed her health... every ounce she had she used and squeezed out of her life... and as a result we don't remember her for her cancer, we remember her for her strength and the amazing things she did with whatever bit of health she had................................... anyway... this weekly recap has taken a sharp turn... but apart from sharing articles on facebook and screenshots on instagram, I haven't really said anything about the situation that has shaken the running community to the core... It's kind of a weird thing when someone you don't know can impact you or touch your heart in some way. Is it selfish to share and to feel feelings that maybe should be reserved for family members and close friends? Is it wrong to somehow insert your own story into the narrative? ... I just couldn't figure out what to say... but I hardly edit the weekly recaps on my blog so, this is a very stream of conscious unfiltered reflection on the events that unfolded in our community last week. Truthfully, I only posted one blogpost last week because I was writing a post on jumping on the "Bandwagon" for the Boston Bruins.... but in the wake of all the posts with Gabe, it seemed inappropriate or insignificant... to summarize, I'm a big fan of the bandwagon. I hop right on!... but, it's a little bit more delicate when it's over a life and not over a championship game (and then the Bruins lost anyway, so the bandwagon fizzled quick! but that was on Wednesday... Moving on!) 

Wednesday: 
I did warm up glute exercises, pelvic core engagement and release drills before hopping on the treadmill. The girls were in Kids Korner and were super excited to go today. I did 2.3 total miles of walking and running. Intervals were between 2-3 minutes. with 1-2 minutes walks (plus warm up walk and cool down walk). I used my orthotics for only two of the intervals just to feel it out. Super firm! but I could feel immediate stress come off my calves when switching from no orthotics (after spending the whole day at work in them) and then putting them back on. This may just work! Please! I did some quick box drills (single leg box squats, step ups, bulgarian split squats) and then noticed an empty bike as spin class was starting and Meagan let me jump in. I didn't attend the whole class because my kids can only stay in Kids Korner for 2 hours, but did the first 30 minutes. I was really run down and tired anyway. Of course I skipped my shower  because I have never left the kids in the Kids Korner for a whole 2 hours, usually just 90 minutes and this was 1:45... so I rushed to get them thinking Raea was going to give me hell that I took too long and instead she took one look at me and said mommy! why are you back!? I'm not done my castle yet! while building with legos. I quit people. I just can't win. Damned if you do, Damned if you don't. Lesson learned, and extra 15 minutes for a shower never hurt anyone! 

Thursday: 
I took another day totally off. I'm just trying to appropriately manage my time and energy as the end of the school year approaches. Matt is in a big selling season so although I see him every morning and night, a lot of the night time duties are on me and even the mornings, too. If it wasn't raining I was considering walking at the Fun Run or at the Rail Trail.... but it was going to be too buggy with the humidity and moisture to be walking. I'm not really feeling like I'm behind on fitness, I'm fit!... I'm behind in specifically running. I wasn't supposed to run today anyway so anything I chose to do would just be to say I did something and not necessarily have a huge benefit. I tried to figure out what would benefit me most today and I decided to continue to prep summer school and IEP assessment binders for next year to alleviate the potential stress I'll encounter in August when the school year starts and I'm in peak marathon training. I think it's been worth it. I've never been one to be ahead of the game, but maybe my job will stress me out less if I can somehow get ahead for once. 

Friday:
Hot Damn... Happy Friday! I ran outside today and Hell Yes it was perfect! I've been on the treadmill in order to keep myself contained at a specific pace, and also because I need the Kids Korner... but wow nothing compares to being on the trail! I tried to not pay too much attention to anything except for how I felt and I felt perfect. I got a bit carried away on the side trails and ended up turning back a little later than planned. 4 miles of walk running today. Most of which was running. Right as I was finishing up my run I stopped to walk and I hear quick stride coming up behind me. Like quick. I know 95% of the faster runners in the area so when I turned I expected to know the person, but didn't expect it to be my podiatrist. Sure enough, Dr. Saviet coming up behind me in his Providence jersey (In case anyone didn't know he was fast, he had the jersey to prove it!) He said something along the lines of that he was proud of me for walking and taking it slow and not wearing the orthotics. He followed it up with "I'm in marathon training, time to hammer"... for reference, we are both running a last chance BQ in the same weekend (his in Boston, it was closed before I had a chance to register)... he's hammering away and I'm walking. Yes, I'm going to bring this up at my follow up appointment... but for now I'm just happy to be running at all and to be doing normal every day things without foot pain. Relief! 

Saturday: 
I'm a dance mom now, so Saturday morning routine has been Dance, Kids Korner, Panera. Today wasn't much different. Kids slept in so we were running super late for dance, the last class before the recital, so I left without breakfast and fed them granola bars in the car. #momoftheyear. I'm so proud of Raea and how much progress shes made in her confidence in dance! We were lucky and actually won a raffle for a full year in dance, but we will for sure be continuing. I never expected this to be part of my life so young (or at all), but she really lights up for dance so we will keep going! After dance I was super hungry and expected they would be too today so when we got to the gym I just did an easy bike for 45 minutes and got out of there ASAP. We went straight to Panera (which is so close to the gym, hence why this is part of our new schedule) I had noticed a tiny rash on Maebels feet in the morning, but I thought it was sweat from the new crocks she had. I really thought nothing of it at all because we also used a different soap.... but she puked while we were leaving Panera, and then I got more concerned. I checked her belly and noticed more subtle rash. I worried about a bug bite she had on her ankle that looked really nasty... potential tick bite... Lyme disease has all sorts of strange symptoms (learned the hard way, my husband got Bells Palsy from it!) ... Not wanting to even wait until Monday, we took her to Urgent Care even though she seemed to be back to 100% after the vomit (in hindsight she totally inhaled her Mac 'n' Cheese and overate... I mean, who doesn't make that mistake sometimes?). Even though we were second on the wait list when we signed in, not one, not two but THREE traumas came in while we were there so we waited for a long time to get zero answers. I had hoped that if it was nothing and just from new soap they would at least give a doctors note so she could go to school on Monday... but they wouldn't even give us that. They ruled out Hand, Foot, and Mouth based on the fact that she had nothing in her mouth and was super happy... but were checking for Scarlet Fever or the strep rash. Full results weren't available until Monday so we were told to keep her home. I'm 90% sure she had Hand Foot and Mouth now (sores showed up in her mouth the next day)... so I felt immediate guilt for her being at the Kid Korner. That's how kids get these things, though... You usually don't know they have something until it's too late! Not the way I wanted to spend the day off with Matt, but at least we were together. Raea wanted to come sooo bad (she wants to be a doctor) so it was nice that we at least got time as a family, even if it was in the waiting room

​

Sunday:
I left all the running time for Matt today since it was Father's Day. He was gone for about 3 hours in the morning between commute to trail and the run itself. He's been unreal supportive of all the ridiculous expenses and time I've required for a sport I've barely participated in for the last two years... so I figure one day for just him to not have to arrange his run around me isn't such a hard thing. I also got him a gym membership for fathers day so maybe we can work out together again once his big selling season slows down. We visited my dad a bit and just had a pretty low key, rainy day after that.  


Big things next week! The LAST DAY OF SCHOOL! So there will be a shift in my workout schedule which usually is bad at first and then I adjust. stay tuned! (better late than never!) 

Better late than never. I’m trying to get a hold on the blogging consistency. I’m managing 2 blogposts a week, one weekly wrap up and another mixed bag of things- tips, throwbacks, running psychology, family, etc..... once school is officially out I think I’ll get into a better rhythm... or not... but I’m determined to just keep blogging even if I’m late. So it’s Tuesday morning, I have a prep period I don’t need because I’ve been prepping so far in advance I’m able to relax (for once). The printer here is also out of ink so I'm trading the prepping I normally do at school and doing it at home... so the things I normally do at home (blog, for example) I'm trying to squeeze in during my prep at school. Everyone else is cleaning their class and organizing during their preps, but I’ll be here all summer so I’m not that concerned! In the meantime, here’s another week of training... I ran!

Monday: Spin Class
Matts back from Switzerland but he’s doing some crazy amount of pre-sales for new products and so he’s got a cray schedule with long hours. Monday he had the girls with him, so I went to spin class and killed myself there. I understand that the spin bikes probably measure miles based on revolutions not on power, but I “rode” 24 miles in an hour... my watts were just under 170. I actually had a lot of fun, but no a lot of time to do anything else.

 Tuesday: RUN! and bike.
I did 10 minute walk, 5x1:00 walk/run at 11:00/pace, 10 min cool down walk. Almost 2 miles. WOO! My right foot hurt a little more than my left foot. I took this as a good thing because maybe it means I'm not compensating so much....? and then my right hip was a bit sore after spin... but again in a pretty good way. My orthotics still have not come in so I'm just itching to start breaking them in and getting moving again! I wasn't overly enthusiastic about running again. It always feels a little wrong when you start again. Kind of like a baby deer learning to walk. It seems like it should just come so naturally if everything is healed, but that's just not how the body works. Those early phases post injury are a delicate balance between what you are actually feeling and what  you are perceiving you are feeling based off of fear or history. When you are only running one minute at a time there's not a lot of risk involved. My PT gave me a return to run program that I'm sort of following with some minor changes from my podiatrist. The return to run program that my PT has me doing is an hour on your feet (most of which is walking) but my podiatrist wants even less... at least until I get the orthotics.  I'm still waiting for some clarification on how to increase next.... but if I don't get an email back soon I'm going to go rogue and that's probably not a good thing! After the run I biked easy for 30 minutes and then I finished up with some single leg box squats, step ups, glute band stuff, and some pelvic floor breathing. I'm really trying to get the pelvic floor stuff back under control. I know, I know, it seems like I should be done with all this postpartum stuff, but the reality is once postpartum, always postpartum and I've learned that the hard way this year. 
​

Wednesday: Happy Global Running Day! 
I did pool running. I did a quick ladder workout similar to what I posted in my Water Running 101 post, but I shortened it to only 2 ladders instead of 3 since I was pressed for time before a class came in. I did a lot of reflection on the running experiences I've had. How many hours I've probably spent in the pool injured, how many I've spent as supplemental work, how many hours I've spent devoting to this sport in general. It's a lot. I used to think I lacked discipline, but really I don't... Motivation and dedication aren't the same thing. I'm often overworking myself so motivation is thin. But I'm learning to balance it better with age, so I'll get it right one day! 

Thursday: Walk/Run 30 minutes
Today was another day where I had to drive all the way home to get the girls and all the way back to the gym to get the use of kids korner. I think soon I can take them outside in the stroller, but Raea chose the gym so that worked for me. She had her FIRST EVER field trip so I think she was tired of being outside. It actually worked even better than I could imagine! A co-worker of mine was having a retirement party. I knew what day it was because I remember checking and thinking oh, I can't go, Matt isn't home. But I didn't realize that the location was actually at the bar IN MY GYM. So I showed up with my kids not even aware all my coworkers were there. I worked out and then went to socialize a bit. I fed my kids some of the food and it worked out great because one less thing to clean up. I had a ton on my plate that night because I promised my students I'd make us T-shirts for Spree Day. I had not started yet and I got home at 8:00... It was a fun night. I finished at 12:30 which wasn't actually too bad considering all I squeezed in on a Thursday. 30 minutes of walk/running wasn't much, but it was something, and pretty much no noticeable hip or foot pain.

Friday: Off
Spree Day! I spent the whole day on my feet at work and outside. The kids at school had a TON of fun and were really well behaved. I spent the whole week talking about waiting in lines and choosing to wait only for your most favorite things. I had them write about their favorite things and took note of their top 3 so that none of them missed out on what they wanted to do the most. Bouncy Houses, Slides, Horses, face painting, tattoos, colored hair, cotton candy, snow cones, dunk tank, and more relay and field games than you can ever imagine (and this is coming from someone who has spent 12 hours at a track event specifically for relays). Anyway, Spree day was enough activity for me. Just as I was leaving school I checked my voicemail and my Orthotics were in. I picked them up so I could spend the weekend breaking them in and by Tuesday I'd be in them for a full work day. When I got home I just wanted to spend time with my kids and then I did a Date Night In with my husband. 

Saturday: 
Crazy Saturday. The usual. My husband is off to work early everyday and home late during his big sales season, so even though I do see him each day I'm basically parenting solo. I took Raea to dance with Maebel. After dance I took the kids to Kids Korner at the gym. I did about 40  minutes of walk running but mostly walking. It felt weird since I was in my orthotics for 2 hours before and then had to take them off to workout. I'm still adjusting. I didn't do much more. Just foam rolling and practicing Pelvic Floor breathing. Afterward I had  a few errands to run. I needed to get the car inspected because it was a few days overdue, we all needed to eat, and I had to get a gift for my friends bridal shower the next day. I thought I was being super efficient when I pulled into the autoshop right next to panera, right in front of Home Depot. This is great. I'll drop off my car, get an oil changed and an inspection, walk over to panera and eat while it's getting done and then walk up to home depot. The kids wont even need to wait!.... 

Well, it didn't go that way. As it turns out my registration was expired a few days ago, too.... and it's technically my husbands car because I sold mine and he drives the company car... and my husband was in a giant tent sale.... so the only way I can get my car inspected is to re-register the car online... but I need all his info, and then I need to somehow do it on my phone while my kids run around like crazy, going behind the desk, licking the windows and screaming at the top of their lungs because I'm raising a bunch of animals and it was Maebels nap time. I was super stressed about this but thank the LORD another little girl came in with her toy puppy and my kids settled long enough to let me finish what I was doing. Then we needed to wait for the registration email to come in and it just wasn't coming... and now I"m freaking out like I need to wait until business hours or something... and I'm 90% sure the carshop isn't going to let me drive away with an unregistered car, so... W.T.F... I walk over to panera with the impatient girls (and I'm starving BTW because my kids decided not to be an alarm clock today and we were running really late for dance so I skipped breakfast) and the second I step through the door I get the email I was waiting for. We eat, then walk back to the car place.. wait some more... give the proof they need and the registration number, walk to Home Depot and grab a gift card and then I just pushed them in the cart for literally no other reason but to keep them contained until the shop called me and said the car was ready. Dear Lord please pass inspection. We go to get the car and all was good. Great customer service and way more patience with my kids than I had... although I do admit the food gave me the patience I needed! The car passed, I wasn't really worried until I was having one of those days and thought that would be the icing on the cake... but instead the icing was ice cream! right as we were about to leave, the ice cream truck pulled up and I just happened to have cash from all my students parents giving me some money for their spree day shirts. The wait was worth it, Raea never saw an ice cream truck before. She was excited and wants to go back to the car place... ​Next time this year I will. Someone remind me. 

Sunday: Another day of no working out and I'm not sad about it. I had a bridal shower to go to and then I spent the rest of the afternoon prepping for next fall. Did I mention I signed up for a marathon? It's a last chance BQ, Erie Marathon, and I'm basically going to be doing peak week when we go back to school and racing right around the time everything starts to really take off. Needless to say, it's going to be a stressful month to run a marathon, so I figure if I can get everything organized for next year it will help remove some of that initial start of the school year stress. This year was really stressful because I had a mostly new batch of kids. This coming year I will have most of the same students, so it gives me a little bit of a better opportunity to prepare. I enjoyed the rest of the night hanging out with these cool kids!

Dear Running, 

​It's been over 21 years of ups and downs, and I have grown so much. I have a lot of words to say on this global running day, but most of all I can only say ​thank you. 

Thank you for the confidence I never knew I had.
Thank you for the friendships I've gained across the years,
Thank you for the bond I share with members of my family,
Thank you for my family. Without you, maybe we wouldn't be here.
Thank you for the opportunities.
So many opportunities.

Opportunities to connect with my inner self,
Opportunities to breathe when we often don't take them,
Opportunities to pray,
Opportunities to sweat,
Opportunities to move my body... especially as I age and being an athlete loses it's glory.
Opportunities for the glory... even if I thought it was bigger (much bigger) than it actually was.
I thought I was the shit... Thanks for teaching me humility too.

I learned a lot through success, but even more through failure.
Man, you gave me so many opportunities to fail.
...and fail ugly
... I was a sore loser at times.... but you didn't care. I even embarrassed myself for how I accepted failure (or didn't accept failure) but you were still there. I was so young and passionate, and growing.
I needed the opportunities that you continued to give me.
​Opportunities to fail again
and fail a bit more gracefully each time.
... so many lessons in the failures.
a constant reminder that I can choose to stay down or get back up.

I learned to get up when I failed in other aspects of life too.
I learned to understand that failure is part of the process to success across all endeavors, not just with you.

I was once a 12 year old girl checking the oven clock, and jumping out the door racing a few blocks to see how fast I could go and realizing, by most peoples standards, I could go fast.

But fast wasn't enough.
I wanted more.
There once was a time I wanted you to go away.
You haunted my dreams.
I wanted my dreams to be real so badly and I got mad when they weren't.
I felt like you owed it to me.
For all the time and energy I put in.
You owed me ...

I was owed a victory or owed a PR or owed healthy leg (or foot, or hip, or back <<<>insert injuries here <>>>), or owed back time in my life that I invested where things didn't pan out the way I thought they ought to... (Like that time I missed Nationals by .24 seconds. That wasn't fun.) ...

If you weren't going to give me those things...
GET OUT!
I didn't want you anymore....

But I didn't know life without you so I just kept going...
and kept growing...
and kept changing...

and now I'm a mom. I'm still racing that oven clock... but most often for things like if I burnt the food yet, or shuffling out the door to get to work, or dance, or daycare always in a hurray, always moving fast. .....I race that oven clock for bedtime... how fast can I get kids to bed so I can get a bit of time to breathe again? When can I breathe?

I used to think I was giving to you.
I was giving you my time
giving you my energy
giving you my life
and all you could do was just be
and never give
so I got nothing in return.

or so I thought.

but you do give
You give me time to breathe.
Every day I get to run I get to breathe...
I used to want everything so fast but now, when I run, it finally slows down.
No matter what pace I run, the world slows down.
You give me that opportunity to live in the moment
see the beauty in all the world
forget about all the things I have to worry about
and just be.

Being able to just be is powerful.
You are that for me
You give that to me

Thank you.

PS: I still do want to run fast, though. Let’s get it right this time!

In the month of March I pulled the plug on the Shamrock marathon and decided to fully heal before I started training again. In the month of April I thought I understood what fully healed meant... started training, and then pulled the plug 4 weeks in realizing I was doing myself a disservice to repeat this same old pattern. Manageable pain is only manageable until it’s not... and by the time you realize it’s no longer manageable you’re too deep into training to stop. Too invested, too much work to waste... so you risk it all until you lose it all. I’ve repeated this pattern a few times. I manage pain well... a thing I used to be proud of... but as I age I know I need to give my body a better place to start from. It’s so hard for me to trust my own insight on this having made so many repeated mistakes. In the month of May I took this more seriously. I’m 4 weeks in to the Last Comeback but still have not run a step. I still have pain but extremely limited in comparison to previous benchmarks. I also feel like I’m about to make enough changes that the result will hopefully change. This will hopefully be the last week of NO running. But next weeks totals are probably going to be <5. A less than gradual approach. But enjoy my last recap that has ZERO running.

Monday: I don't know if it's bad or good that I've already forgotten. I had to look this up. It appears I did nothing on Monday and on Sunday. I think it was Matts full day back from Switzerland and I just wanted to not think about fitting something in the schedule. 

Tuesday: Pool workout: 10 min warm up; 10x (50sec hard/10 sec easy, 40 sec hard/20 sec easy, 30 sec hard/30 sec easy); 5 x 90 sec (faster every 30 sec) w/30 sec easy between each; cool down. This workout was directly from my coach. The pool at the gym I joined is not a deep water pool. The very center of it is 5 feet deep so if I wear a belt I can do deep water running if I turn around every 15 seconds. I basically just go in a small circle in the middle of my lane like a lame fish... but I also did use the shallow end for the warm up, cool down, and the 90 second repeats. It takes me roughly 30 seconds to run a length of the pool so it was easy to run down and back for 90 seconds and measure if I was getting faster or staying on pace. I wrote a whole blogpost on water running with a few workouts on there if you missed it. Check it out! I also had my last Shockwave appointment. I'm still not 100% but I'd say my range is now between 95-99% on any given day. I more notice pain or chronic tightness in my shin and calf. The podiatrist feels pretty confident that the orthotics are going to relieve a lot of that.

Wednesday: 60 minutes on the bike and glute band drills plus box steps and other box stuff. I was shockingly sore from the pool workout so just kept it easy! I've been having real trouble sleeping lately so I'm trying not to overwork myself.

Thursday: Squeezed in a quick sprints pool workout (FREE on my Water 101 post!) before heading to get a massage. My massage hurt really bad. Lots  of deep abdominal work done reminding me that I still have a long way to go in terms of pelvic floor stability. However, reading this blogpost that Sarah Canney put together I felt  hopeful. I can perform all the exercises mentioned but my guess is I can't perform them after a run or after a workout or without putting thought into it. It takes a lot of concentration for me to breath correctly! Being able to do it without fatigue is, to me, just the baseline. I need to be able to do it when I'm tired, so that's what I will work on. My massage therapist keeps saying "it's not a strength thing, it's a vascular thing. You are strong enough, you just aren't getting enough oxygen and blood flow, you're not breathing correctly". So I got this little thing called "expand-a-lung"... I had heard about it on Tina Muirs podcast and it helps with the diaphragm and emailed her guest who is local to here. I remember when I went to pelvic floor PT I had an issue with my piston breath and my diaphragm lowering on inhales because it was so tight. My massage therapist basically did deep tissue massage in that diaphragm area and I gotta say I've never felt so good (and sore... in a good way). The expand-a-lung puts some pressure against the breath to sort of force the correct engagement and coordination... I guess it increases your lung capacity which sounds cool for runners, but Again, I just got it because the guy on the podcast is legit and recommended it to me when I emailed him about my pelvic floor. at least that's what I understood from the podcast episode it was mentioned in! Here is a great video below that the pelvic floor PT I worked with sent to me. I fall in the category of tight upper abs and diaphragm. I do not leak at all though because my pelvic floor has compensated and is in a constant state of contraction in order to hold everything up since my abs and diaphragm are not fully expanding and contracting either. Anyway, I was able to get correct movement almost 2 years ago when I saw the PT, but again, I think I need to do it really conscientiously and it doesn't happen when I'm running or doing sports or transporting or restraining a child at work... as a result I sometimes have pain and sometimes ​do not. 

Friday: I planned to get up early but slept 5hours and 3 minutes according to my app (which usually means I slept less than that). It was the Flag Day show at school and it took every bit of energy I had to make sure every student was happy and able to participate nicely so that I didn't need to transport anyone out off the stage with a million parent eyes on me. It's part of my job and I'm trained to correctly and safely remove children who are a threat to themselves or others, however no one wants an audience for something like that... especially when it's supposed to be a celebration! Fortunately the kids were great during the show(s) (they perform twice), but a change in schedule for kids with autism is hard on everyone and I was psyched to just go home and chill. 

Saturday: On Saturday I took the approach of doing two back to back classes in order to make it a "long run" day. I did the shallow water H2O class which wasn't exactly hard, I can make it much more challenging on my own, but the introduction of some​ impact is good before I start running next week so I just went with it. Some things were very hard and others were... meh... but I reminded myself that long runs shouldn't be hard... jut long. I followed up with a spin class. To be honest, I didn't love the instructor. Mostly because I couldn't hear her and didn't know her cues and had a really large (like tall) man blocking my view so I also couldn't see. But I give her a pass because I overheard her telling another member of the class that she ran 3:32 in the marathon "Not the BQ I wanted, at one point I was on pace for a 3:11"... Knowing nothing about her I wanted to be like "if you were looking to BQ why 3:11 pace?..." sounds like she got out too hard. Anyway, I was impressed she could spin after because spin class is legit hard for me! But not sure I would take her class again. Too much of the class was centered around the music for me. I would rather be told "30 seconds" than "find the beat"... I don't run with music and really don't want music to dictate my workout. When I finished up I headed over to Raeas dance class to trade off with Matt and made it back just in time to check out her handprint being added to the wall! So cute! 

Sunday: Everything about this day just wasn't good. I don't even want to get into it because I worked really hard to just let it go and don't want to rehash it.. but I will say that I posted about it in my story on instagram and was overwhelmed by the support by other parents out there! I honestly got so many messages of support I couldn't even respond to them all individually. Amazing amazing people willing to support a total stranger! It's funny how we can be that way online, but I wonder if I would have received the same support in person. It reminded me to be kind. Always be kind. You don't know what someone else is dealing with. We Can't be perfect all the time (not even close, for me)... but I pulled my head out of the fog and meal prepped... that's all I could manage for Sunday. My kids also returned to their angelic state (after the devilish one that sent me for a loop) and I got this adorable footage of Maebel reading with Raea. Love them so much! 

Hope you had a really great week! Sorry I’m a little inconsistent with posting in terms of day/time. I’m going for weekly consistency (2-3 posts per week always with weekly training recap)
Comment below!
Have you ever done spin class? what parts you like or don’t like?
Tell me your parent fails
how was your week of training?