"This was a good one to miss"
It's what I keep hearing, and what I keep telling myself... But it's the furthest furthest thing from the truth. The sting in my heart over missing this once in a lifetime race of epic proportions is worse than the sting in the hands and toes and defrosting legs of all the runners who braved the conditions on Marathon Monday.
This Hurts. It hurts bad.
My only consolation is going to be a baller marathon time in the future, but if that never comes, if my body always remains in this state of too injured to run and race fast, but not injured enough to not try at all... I'm never going to recover from this.
Growing up as a runner, in Boston especially, everyone has their stories about where they were when...
Where they were when the weather was in the 90's and the field was allowed to defer, where they were in 2007 when it was a Nor'Easter (also the day of the Virginia Tech Shooting), where they were when the Bombs went off, where they were when Meb won, where they were when the fastest marathon was run in Boston (not to be confused with the World Record. Boston is not eligible for a World Record due to the point to point, net downhill, and tailwind nature of the course. Of course we all know now about the sub 2 hour attempt that is faster than the time run in Boston), Now this. Where were you when.... when Desi won, when a blue collared man who has run in a Panda Suit won (Yuki is now my hero in life, can I be him?), where were you when the weather was so epic, and so bad, that 56% of the elite field dropped out. Where were you when the Boston Marathon finishing medal meant more than any other finishing medal from years past?
I can tell you where I was.
I was freezing my ass off on the sidelines with a red bib number in my bag (Wave 1, Corral 6) wishing I was freezing my ass off in the street with my comrades.
I was made for the cold, wind, rainy conditions. When it snows, I'm running outside. It rains? I'm outside, wind? outside, Thunder and lightning? Outside (although I do wait this out often because it passes so quickly... but if time is not on my side, I'm out there...). One of my favorite things about running is the extreme conditions. This is one of the reasons I favor Cross Country running over everything else and why I plan to spend my running retirement in the mountains and trails... because as much as I love to compete and go fast, being one with the Earth and feeling Mother Natures power and some how channeling that power through me is my favorite. When Mother Nature is pouring down on you the way it was Monday? Ahhhh! HOW DID I MISS THIS?!???! How did I miss battling against and with the most powerful force of all time? This is not to say I would have done well, or that I would have enjoyed it in reality, or would have finished at all.... but just give me a chance!
This was the worst one to miss.... but the force inside me grows stronger with every missed opportunity... Some days I wake up with the fire still burning and I think "Why wont that shit go out?" With every set back, and every obstacle I've had attempting to put out my fire, why is it still there?! GO THE FUCK AWAY!!!
Do you know how much easier my life would be if I could just put that fire out? If I could stop caring? If I could just put my energy into being a better version of societies perfect mom or wife, or employee (the one with her shit together and nice hair, nails done, kids appropriately dressed, cooked dinners, clean car, on time for work, clean house, groomed yard, and a bank account that doesn't go into the negatives because of race entry fees and physical therapy bills)... Why can't that be me? Why can't I just forget about all this Olympic Trials bull shit?
For those of you who are feeling Post Boston Blues because you didn't have the race you wanted, I totally understand that. Let that rain and all the frustration light your fire instead of put it out. I don't know when I'll get to run Boston, but if Mother Nature doesn't make it Epic that day, I plan to.
Here are some of the things we used to stay dry while spectating at the Boston Marathon. Purchasing from any of the Amazon links included in my blog helps offset the costs of all the annoying physical therapy and treatments to get my hip up and running again. Every little bit helps, and if you see something you were going to get anyway, why not! Thanks Everyone! And congrats runners!
Welcome to my blog! I've been blogging for a long time on various platforms. My intention has never been to reach the masses, but rather to give myself a chance to reflect and journal. I feel it at least challenges me to be somewhat coherent, however you can expect ramblings and grammatical incorrectness here!
I've recently been diagnosed with CECS and fPAES and had it treated with BOTOX of all things... So I suspect to see more and more people looking for answers with that in the future and hope to continue blogging so there will be easy to access follow-ups as that was helpful for me.