I'm trying to make sense of it all. Maybe I'm just not a marathoner... or maybe I just keep rushing the process repeatedly because I'm always up against a deadline that is fastly approaching.... maybe I pick fastly approaching deadlines because I don't have the attention span to make a goal that is far away.... I don't know... What I do know is that I've had the same calf injury derail or change my marathon plans for 3 different marathons... now 4.... and I'd be a fool to pretend that this time is different and it will somehow, miraculously, yield a different result simply because it's Boston.
After having Raea I had a beautiful build-up to the Vermont City Marathon (VCM) which was just shy of 10 months postpartum and the build up followed a 22 month hiatus from running due to knee injury, knee surgery, and pregnancy. Other than a small set back in February, everything went perfect, only to have it taken away in the last 10 days due to a calf pull that is basically identical to the one I'm dealing with now. I wasn't as familiar with the injury as I am now so I made a lot of bad choices. I tried to test it out and run way too many times on it for starters, every single time I ran on it I was catapulted back to the state of the original injury thus prolonging the time off from training all together. I signed up for a marathon that took place a month after Vermont thinking that I'd have enough time to recover and run a BQ there (because I thought a BQ was easy for me, I now know better than to use the word easy in relationship to anything marathon related ever again) but the only way I knew to trust the calf was to give it a solid 3 weeks of no running. I toed the line at the Great Cranberry Island (GCI) marathon without having run for an entire month (with the exception of the mile here or mile there that I foolishly attempted in that first week). This was not a good idea.
I set strict drop-out criteria for myself so I wouldn't cause more damage... The moment I was sure I couldn't BQ I would drop out. This was a last chance for Boston 2017 and all my family plans were centered around Boston 2017... so I really wanted that BQ. I should have dropped out at mile 6, the first sign of trouble, but I persevered until 18 when I knew with absolute certainty I wouldn't make it to Boston. I had to stop and walk. To my surprise it wasn't the calf that caused me to stop, but rather my IT band. Cross training can keep you fit, but it can not keep you prepared for the amount of impact you will endure across 26.2 miles. Vermont was flat, I trained for flat. Great Cranberry Island was not and I was still recovering from a knee surgery... It wasn't happening.
I'm looking at a very similar timeline right now. Here is a side-by-side comparison (although if you are reading it on a phone, which you most likely are, you wont get the full effects of the side by side! , sorry!)
Why am I even considering Boston? I know the result... I know this isn't going to go well. I thought last week that stopping at the earliest sign of trouble would make a difference, but obviously it doesn't. I've said from the very beginning that I was willing to sacrifice Boston for the bigger picture... am I?
From the very beginning all signs were not lining up for Boston, but it was worth a try since I was registered and... It's Boston... I still had plenty of time... At this point, however, all signs lead me back to where it all began: Vermont City. As I was writing this I stood up to help my daughter with something and a magazine fell off the table and this is what I saw:
Boston will have to wait, I've got bigger goals. I'm going to see if I can get as close to Sub3 as possible in Vermont and get as fit and strong as possible for the races after. I'm all in and throwing all I have at this. Now my Boston goal is to run with the elite women for my first Boston ever (which probably wont be the greatest experience, because I'll be in no mans land and the crowd will be thinner... but it would be ironic)
I've taken the instagram app off my phone because I need some time to process this. I'm not sure when I'll be back on- maybe tomorrow, maybe next week- Maybe after Boston... Maybe once I'm up and running again because then I can at least have a more positive outlook and not be as affected by the Boston posts.... maybe by the end of the night because I've been so transparent this whole time it feels weird to put up walls... But I needed a second to gather my thoughts on this without the influx of positive messages and well wishes and people saying "you can do it" when I'm now realizing it's just not what I want. So, in the meantime, I will keep blogging so if you are not subscribed, you should do that!
Some other Boston and Vermont related posts in case you missed them: Spoiler Alert, they all somehow have a calf injury mentioned in them. Not sure how....
EXACTLY three years ago, I wrote a blogpost while I was pregnant and awaiting my knee surgery. The blogpost sparked quite a bit of conversation on facebook and in personal interactions as well.
The big question I had and still do even more today: Is The Boston Marathon fair for Women of the Childbearing age?
Right now, qualifying for Boston and then running Boston has a timeline that can look a few different ways... below are some timelines for someone who hits the qualifying time in their first try:
April: Start training for BQ
January: Begin Training
April: Run Boston
The shortest route: 12 months
January: Start Training for BQ
October: Get faster time
January: Start training
April: Run Boston
a 16 Month Commitment
September: Start training for BQ
April: watch Boston
May: Get faster time
October: Run faster time
April: Run Boston.
19 Month Commitment
June: Start Training for BQ
September: Watch everyone register
April: watch Boston
May: Get faster time
October: Run faster time
April: Run Boston.
That is a 22 month commitment!
This is again, assuming you can qualify in one try and assuming some relatively short training cycles are adequate amount of time (as in, you already have decent base to start marathon specific work, which, if you are postpartum and have been carrying a baby for 9 months, isn't likely). The amount of years and training blocks many people build on top of each other to qualify just adds another dimension to the long term commitment it takes to run Boston. Not too long ago the Hyannis Marathon (February) was the "last chance" marathon around here... which means that the timeline looked like this:
November: Start Training
February: Qualify and Register (back then the registration stayed open and the process wasn't what it is today. Anyone remember that year it close in 8 hours? The West Coast didn't stand a chance!)
April: Run Boston
Even that is a 6 month commitment! but that's what you expect. It's a prestigious race and it shouldn't come quick or easy....
Now... just imagine youre like me... You run an October Marathon and you qualify, but you have a child approaching 2 already... and you want your kids close in age, but there are still 20ish months until Boston... You have a few options:
I obviously went for the second option. Yes, I planned Maebel around the Boston Marathon. My plan was originally different. I had Raea in August 2015 and I trained for a late spring marathon. My goal was to qualify in the spring and run Boston the following year and then have another kid.... but do you know what is hard? Postpartum running. For me it's been like putting a good engine into a broken down car. As most of you know by now, I didn't make it to my spring marathon after Raea due to (surprise!!!) a calf injury.... so I didn't qualify... and I just couldn't put my baby plans on hold for another 2 years. There's just simply a lot of pressure to get in shape very fast after having a baby if you want to run Boston and still have kids close in age.... and that pressure can cause you to make bad decisions for your healing body. Some say it takes a full year to heal from having a baby... I believe it.
but then what if the third option happens? What if you get pregnant so close to Boston that you have to run Boston pregnant? Many people do it, but coming from someone who made it my goal to run a marathon for my weekly mileage pregnant, it's not fun. Every race I ran pregnant had an added layer of anxiety... because even with research saying it's okay, you still can't help but worry. Motherhood is constant worry... additionally, the best timeline to qualify for Boston is to qualify in Boston. It becomes a cyclical thing. Not a lot of women are going to be able to re-qualify for Boston if they are pregnant during the race. So while it makes a cool story and the women are badasses, running Boston pregnant is not going to get you closer to running a fast boston or BQing again in Boston. Also, remember the year they encouraged deferment because of heat? Well, when your pregnant running in the heat can be even more dangerous.... so temps that might not warrant deferment for a healthy non-pregnant person might for a healthy pregnant person...
So what if you choose to not race Boston because you are pregnant and "F-THAT! I'll just qualify again later" but God Forbid you want..... 3 kids? You start the cycle all over again. WHEN do you get to run Boston? WHEN do you get a break? It seems a little unfair that women are responsible for carrying on the human race and we can't get a little leniency when it comes to the Boston Marathon.... we're talking about women who qualified not deferring a charity number.
Since men do not have to bear children, is it fair that Women do not have either
In case you are not aware of the Boston Marathon deferment policy, here it is:
Unfortunately, Boston Marathon bib numbers and entry fees cannot be refunded. Regrettably, we do not allow deferment of race entry to another year. Runner bib numbers cannot be transferred to another participant, and you may not give your number to someone else. The Boston Marathon is a top-level sporting competition, and the B.A.A. seeks to uphold the integrity of both its entrants list and field and the results and awards reports and rankings.
When I first wrote about this there were a few big topics that came up. The first was:
Caitlyn, you're going to love your baby so much you wont even care about Boston! This was the most popular response. This was a well intentioned and meant to excite me about the baby I was carrying, and it came from other mothers who were just trying to connect with me and share with me the powerful force of love you feel for your baby... but this response bothered me because it wasn't even relevant... and it also implied that I wouldn't care about Boston or marathoning, or running after. And maybe the hormones inside me convinced me that I shouldn't care about Boston, or running goals, or any of that... But guess what? After now having two kids I can unequivocally say I do care. I care more, in fact... because running is the only thing I have that is just me which is very important for my sanity... bottom line: I can love my baby and still want to be successful in my sport.
Lets get this straight: It is not selfish to try and plan your family around your own goals, it is not selfish to want athletic success in the same breath that you want a baby. They are separate. Sometimes I feel like there are women who are building you up, and then there are women who unintentionally crabs in a barrel... Their words sound nice "wait till you have your baby, you will love it so much you will stop caring about running" But what I hear is "come and join the club! It's a club of women who loved their baby but forgot to love themselves. A club of women who gave up their foolish dreams (Steve)" No thanks.
The other popular response was "If Boston makes an exception for Pregnant women, all races will have to"... I'm sorry, does your Joes Pizza 5k take 22 months of commitment? Has your Back Yard "Reach for the Stars Marathon" ever sold out in 8 hours? No? Then STFU and go home. I just wonder if this policy has been looked at closely since the new registration process. While I completely understand and respect a highly competitive event, a little respect to the gender carrying on the human race would be nice. I'll use New York for example here because it's another big one on the East Coast. The qualifying standard is harder, yes, the registration is further out, true... but it allows you to cancel your registration and use it for the following year (non-refundable) and you always have a chance to get in through the lottery. So technically I can submit my entry to the lottery while I'm pregnant or even while I'm thinking about getting pregnant and at least have a chance without having to prematurely beat on my body.... and with the cancellation, if I register, get pregnant, I can cancel and try again the next year.
WOW! Logical! If New York City can do it, can't Boston?
There is one other thing that stands out though that makes me wave the feminist flag: For active duty military deployments to war zones, deferment of qualifying times will be honored for a later race. Please please don't misinterpret what I'm about to write as disrespect for the military. I agree with this part of the deferment policy, surely the people protecting us and helping us maintain the freedom to run 26.2 miles through the streets for fun deserve this but... correct me if I'm wrong, isn't this subset of well deserving people primarily men? While it is a totally different responsibility, do women carrying on the human race not deserve this same respect?
Maybe I'm just bitter because, since qualifying in 2013 I have yet to run Boston. I'd choose my children over Boston every time, but is it fair that I have to? I recognize that they want to keep the race a "top level sporting competition" but I've done 2 marathons, and both were 30 minutes under the qualifying standard... Do I really make it a lower level competition because I chose to have a baby somewhere in between?
What are your thoughts?
Please share this and comment below with your survey responses and any other relevant comments (as I may not have time to do a follow up blogpost). I want to hear your postpartum Boston stories. I think it's an important conversation!
In case you missed them
below are some of my essentials, purchasing from one of my amazon links helps support me and support the blog. Thanks again!
I posted Last week Late so if you missed it click the link to check it out! Last week was my first week running more than 5 days... Looks like 4 days is the winning formula for me right now. Not my best week, Not my worst, but depending on how I recover from this week, the rest of my training may be completely different or my Road to Boston takes a big turn. My body continues to send me signs that running a marathon at 8 months postpartum isn't it's favorite thing. If it were any race but Boston, I would probably decided at this point that a later marathon would be better.... but it is Boston, and somehow, even though I've only completed two marathons, and both were 30 minutes ahead of the Qualifying standard, I can't seem to get my Ass from Hopkington to Boston. At this point, if I am unable to run Boston, I wont be able to do 2019 either (unless I travel for a summer marathon that isn't gross) so I'm just doing the best I can. This week I almost lost all hope.... and as I say each week, I'm not out of the woods. This time I"m not even close.
Monday: I had a cross Training day, so I did the stronger Yoga. I like going to this class because we try some really hard and fun new poses. So far I've been pretty successful with all of them (although I can't remember the names of them). The instructor said "What is great about these poses is if you are too strong, you're not flexible enough to do them, and if you are too flexible, you are not strong enough. We are trying to find balance between strength and flexibility" This really resonated with me, and when I was able to get right up into the pose (not in it's full expression, but in the way the instructor was telling us to start with) I thought to myself "this is a really good sign. I'm flexible. I'm strong. Exactly what I need to be." But I was still feeling under the weather quite a bit, and I was getting a cough. Boo!
Tuesday: OFF I had today completely off because I still wasn't feeling well and I was barely sleeping because of the cough and the baby. Suddenly Maebel does not want to sleep at all unless I am holding her. Sleep regression is kicking my ass. Anytime I've tried to let her "cry it out" she wakes up Raea.... and then I've got two kids up... and My husband is gone again. This day off was needed.
Wednesday: 7 miles. Big snowstorm coming in so I had canceled school. I was supposed to go to PT but I had to choose between running and PT for babysitter purposes. My mom came to the house and watched the girls as I went for a really slow jog up and down the insane hills near my house before the snow started to stick. I ran like 8:40 pace. Ugh. Somehow my husbands flight wasn't cancelled and he made it home around 1am. I was nervous so again I missed out on sleep that I very much needed.... and then there was Maebel.... cryfest all night unless she was in the bed. WTF child. Seems easy enough, bring her in the bed, but I only half sleep when she's in the bed since she wants me as a pacifier. I was too sick and tired to deal with her. This girl has no self soothing skills because I have just done whatever it takes to survive most nights. I keep saying I'll sleep train her after the Boston Marathon when I'm on school vacation... because I'm a working mom training for a marathon. I can't afford to miss any more sleep! But I'm missing sleep at this point anyway because I'm so annoyed nursing her at night. Before teeth it was fine, but she's vicious and bites me all night. I can't take it anymore. I need to do some aggressive sleep training and conditioning like I did with Raea... but it's just exhausting. Meanwhile, I've been potty training Raea for what seems to be a year, but she isn't a fan of going potty for the babysitter so we haven't really buckled down. Another thing I say I'll do after Boston on Vacation... but in the meantime she wakes up in the middle of the night to tell me she needs the potty pretty much every night. The problem is she wakes up having already wet her diaper... so she sits on the potty waiting to produce but there's nothing there. She wants a sticker so bad she wont get off the potty until she can show me she went. The middle of the night in the Germain Household is full of failed behavior modifications from the person who modifies behavior for work. But everyone shoud get to take a break from their "work" to sleep! #teamnosleep is not in favor of mom running a good marathon right now. Still coughing, still sick. I just need sleep.
Thursday: 8 Miles We got about 16 inches of snow, but by mid afternoon it was sunny out and the roads were melted and clear. I lacked motivation. I was tired. I slept a little extra since Matt was home. I just can't seem to kick this cough without sleep. Because of this, and the snow, we pushed the workout to Friday. From where I'm sitting now, I don't know if it was better or worse that we moved the workout. I guess I'll never know. These miles were 9:11 pace though... I couldn't imagine running faster. So tired.
Friday: 8 miles total... but was supposed to be more like 12. Today was my workout:
Looking at the workout, Maybe I should have gone slower, maybe things wouldn't have gone south so quick? But I can't help think that no matter the pace I wasn't heading in the right direction. How do you run an exact pace for 1:00 intervals... or for 12 minute intervals. The GPS watch can only give you so much information and really you shouldn't be a slave to it. You have to go off of feel. This is the problem I keep having is that my cardiovascular system has gotten fit much quicker than my physical body. I'm very excited about my progress because 6:40 pace was EASY even after the faster intervals (which also felt easy. I can't believe they were that fast, honestly) I ran all through pregnancy so my lungs got to do the work everyday, but my body has changed so much in that time. My center of gravity has changed, my weight has changed, and due to the extra pumping, I've probably needed more nutrients than I maybe have been getting. I can't seem to catch a break! At exactly 6 minutes into my 8 minute interval I felt a cramp in my calf and I immediately stopped. Having had my calf "blow up" on me so many times I knew that the next few steps would be the end of the road here. A calf injury puts me out for 3 weeks minimum, but usually closer to 5. I stopped before I really pulled anything. I think I kept this to a very mild strain. Of course this was the one day I ran phoneless, but fortunately my Aunt lives right on the route and she was just a few houses down so I stopped by and called my husband. I don't know if you are noticing a trend here, but my husband has been absolutely heroic throughout this training. We sort of had a pact going that he would put my running before his own for a while as long as I do everything to support his career. This is why when he is traveling and gone I try not to get upset at all. He put his career on hold for our family when we had Raea by staying at home with her and only working part time and now it's his turn to thrive with his career. I put my running on hold for our family both times I was pregnant, and now it's my turn to thrive there. We both took this "pact" very serious and I can't even tell you how impossible this would all be without him. Anyway, I also foolishly only packed half tights and it was squalling out and really got cold. I felt really warm, but I know feeling warm doesn't necessarily translate to warm muscles.
Saturday: Massage, ART: Today was a scheduled off day anyway, so I Matt and I have been having someone come to our house to do Massage and ART as opposed to booking an appointment somewhere. It's really hard with the kids to schedule something that we have a sitter for. Chris has two kids and has been doing in home treatments so his schedule can be flexible for his own family needs. It's great because he doesn't mind the kids playing on the floor while he works. Also, in this case I wouldn't have been able to get an appointment anywhere else because I had both girls and Matt was working. I'm very thankful for all the people who have been flexible for me and for my goals. Thanks to so many people I'm able to do all of this without having to sacrifice much time away from my girls or without needing to call for a sitter for an appointment. I feel that what Chris did was very effective, I'm just not in a place where I can fully trust my body yet. I'd rather have another 5 days off (which I don't think I'll need) than 5 weeks (dear Lord, NO!).
Sunday: 90 Minutes on the Bike: I was supposed to have 15 miles today, but instead I'm going to cross train on the bike for 90 minutes. I can't imagine I will have much to report so I feel comfortable blogging it before I do it. I don't want our whole day to be taken up by workouts so I write this post as Maebel naps and Matt runs... and I'll workout while the girls are sleeping tonight so I don't miss any more family time.
In case you missed them!
Check out some of these products that will *hopefully* help me return to running next week! I never post anything I don't believe in, so if it's something you'd like to try, purchasing from here helps me out just a little bit! Thanks in advance, you guys have been awesome!
I'm a little late posting this week... I've been.... Drained to say the least.... During training, we try to control all the variables. There is a long long list of things I do to control as many variables in training as possible. Avoid injury, illness, and any setback in between. I Stretch, Ice, Foam Roll, See a chiropractor, got to PT, to strength training, stability work, keep track of the mileage on my shoes, take epsom salt baths, track my water intake, track my food intake: am I eating the right food and enough food to fuel my body? am I sleeping enough (for me this answer is no. Every day it is no.... but not for lack of trying) This past week I had a major set back, and it was one that I didn't see coming and couldn't really prepare for. It is something only a breastfeeding or pumping mom could understand. The duration of either of those things is irrelevant... 2 days or 2 years... either of or both of those things for any amount of time, you, and only you, can fully understand the gravity of losing over 300oz of breast milk. Even worse in the midst of marathon training. So before I get into the weekly wrap up, here's a quick crash course on breastfeeding from one mother to another (Disclaimer: My knowledge on breastfeeding is from personal experience and from knowledge I've gained from discussing with other mothers and from Dr. Google when I'm freaking out about stuff at 12am with a baby attached to me... I am not an expert!) for anyone who may be pregnant and considering it (or anyone who is just interested in learning my perspective on it). It seems like it's not a big piece of my training, but literally everything I do, I need to consider breastfeeding.
When you breastfeed, you are using your own energy to produce food to sustain another life. In this sense, it is like exercise. Energy in (food you eat) energy out (exercise... except in this case milk via a pump or a nursing baby)... This is why breastfeeding moms claim to get back into shape or down to their pre-baby weight faster. You are literally burning calories while sitting on the couch.
Breast milk (theoretically) is supply and demand. The more your baby eats (or the more you pump) the more you produce. When your milk first comes in your body doesn't necessarily know how much to make yet. I happen to be one of these super over supplied people. So instead of pumping between feedings to tell my body to produce more milk, I had to do the opposite, pump just enough to relieve the pain, but not so much that I communicated to my body that I needed all this milk (no joke, Porn Star boobs except filled with liquid, which is heavier than fat tissue.... not good for running! and also left me exposed for mastitis... an infection that is worse fatigue than any flu you've ever had) Not every breastfeeding mom will experience their milk coming in the same way... but for me those beginning weeks are a painful balance of trying to reduce the amount I make without causing an infection (side note: I got two breast infections in the first 2 months on my right side. As a result she has a high preference for the left side... So my left side produces 2-3 times more milk.)
So since I knew I was going to train for a marathon, I knew I wasn't going to have the energy or be able to keep up with the caloric demand to produce the amount of milk I would need to sustain a 6 month or 7 month old. All they do is eat! So I took advantage of that high supply from the early stages and pumped extra until I had a big buffer. Worst case scenario, I have extra milk when Maebel is all done, and I donate it. Upon returning to work your supply will drop unless you pump as often as you feed at home (and even then it will probably drop. Babies are way more effective at getting milk than the pump). As a teacher, there's not a whole lot of time to pump. One and done for me every day. In the beginning that was fine because Maebel still didn't eat that much but as she got older, and I fed her less since I was at work, and as my training increased and her appetite increased, we've had to dip into that big freezer stash a little. No big deal. That's what it's there for.... Until it's not there.
So, Losing the stash in the freezer meant that I now had to find extra time to pump in order to increase my supply so that I could provide for my baby. It meant that I needed to eat more, drink more, sleep more (but yet, the best time to pump seemed to be when the baby is sleeping because it minimally effects her eating schedule...). Also, research shows that all the nutrients the baby needs will be taken from the mother. So if I am low on iron, I will be lower on iron. My body prioritizes for the baby, so when I said this week was draining, I meant literally. YES I could just supplement, but my baby is not thrilled with taking the bottle, and I feel like if I went down that road I would probably get lazy and eventually stop earlier than Maebel is ready. She is starting to eat solids, but not as a supplement for breastmilk yet. Every baby is different, neither of my babies ever warmed up to the bottles completely, so as a mother and as someone who doesn't generally have a milk supply issue, the only reason for NOT continuing to exclusively provide breastmilk was out of my own laziness or poor time management. Yes, this is hard, but I can do hard things. Anyway... That is a long Preface to what is to come... Spoiler Alert... I expel more energy than I have this week.
Monday: 6.3 Miles, 51 minutes on the treadmill. Matt was gone from very early in the morning. For some reason when he told me his schedule, I thought his flight was Monday night, so I thought I could run in the morning and go to PT in the afternoon, but his flight was in the morning. Treadmill it is. This is the day I discovered all the milk was gone. At some point during vacation we lost power in the garage, and I didn't know because there was no need to go to the freezer for anything since I was just feeding Maebel directly. When the treadmill wouldn't start I realized I needed to reset the power, and I also realized I couldn't hear the buzz of the freezer. I opened it and everything was 100% thawed. This set a negative tone for the week. For me, simply completing this run was a huge success. All I could think about was going inside to count what I had for Milk and starting to pump to increase supply right away.
Tuesday: 5.2 miles on the treadmill, 45 minutes, 15 minutes on the bike. This was aweful. I had horrible shin pain the entire run from the previous day. I had to run 7 miles with 30 second strides at 3k-5k pace across the last two miles. I just couldn't do it. I finished on the bike. I pumped 6 extra times today and without producing much more milk. I had faith in a few days I'd start producing more, but the extra pumping was exhausting. Plus, I'm single parenting. Ever pump while cooking? I have.
Wednesday: This was originally supposed to be my workout day, but I couldn't do another treadmill run and with my husband still gone, my coach and I agreed a cross training day was the best. I did one hour on the bike. and did more pumping... Starting to feel a little depleted. the kids weren't exactly sleeping well. Maebel especially. Due to the extra pumping, I think there were times she was not actually eating as much as she needed to make it through the night, so more frequent feedings and wake ups... and if I even attempted to let her cry it out, Raea would hear and get up as well. It wasn't a fun time.
Thursday: Workout- 2 x 15 minutes 1x10 minutes, with 3 minute recovery between, 11 miles total. This was hard. I was really run down all day, I could feel I was fighting off a small illness, but it was important I got this in. It was warm out, but lonely on the rail trail, and weird for it to feel so spring like and warm, and yet the sun sets so quick. I was able to do the repeats right on pace but at times I felt like I was going to fall asleep standing up. Also.... more pumping....
Friday: OFF. Praise the LORD! But I had a shit ton of school work to do so I stayed up until 1am working on it since I knew there was no way I would have the energy prepping for the 20 miler.
Saturday: The most annoying 8 miler ever. I'm just wishing this week away each and every day. I wanted so badly to not do this run because again, I've got this strange cold coming on (I keep telling myself if I sleep it will go away, but sleep is a foreign thing with the two kids a this point in the week) I ran really slow and also did a super hilly run. I was just pleased it was over.... But I still had only a vague plan for my long run the following day. Stressin.
Sunday: 20 miles 8:01/mi: I had a mild panic attack the night before. SO much anxiety around my sleep. I wanted to sleep SO bad because I felt like I was getting sick, I hadn't slept well in a long time, and I had this big 20 miler the next day.... but of course.... Maebel had the worst night of sleep ever. I said some things I really shouldn't have (and certainly didn't mean) in relationship to being a mother. I had never felt so much stress weighing on me. Matt offered to feed her with the bottle but due to the milk supply issue, that only stressed me out worse. You couldn't imagine how much the milk effected me this week. Originally we talked about my Mother in Law watching the kids for this, but we took too long to confirm and she made other plans. Then we talked about me meeting Matt at work (one hour away) and me running from there... I talked about my dad watching them while I ran as part of a 30k my mom was doing... but that's just too many hours for my dad and also I was encouraged to stay on a flatter route this week. This 30k course is NOT flat! The final option, which is what we went with was my mom watching them in the afternoon after her 30k... I thought she would be home before my husband was, but it was pretty much the same time. She watched them anyway and what was nice was Matt dropped fuel off for me. I did an out and back and he met me at the 10 mile turn around and ran the last 10 with me. It literally was life changing to know I didn't need to be by myself for that many hours running. I've just been in a mental funk all week and the thought of nearly 3 hours by myself on the roads was... horrible... . Despite all the setbacks, this turned out to be a pretty good run. Once I took that first gel with caffeine I was feeling much better (about 5 miles in). The week turned out to be okay too, although from where I'm sitting now I definitively over did it by not sleeping enough. One day at a time though, Everyone keeps saying Boston is so close, but a lot can happen 40ish days out... both good and bad.
Extra: relentlessly pumping, PT, and Chiropractor one time.
Sorry for posting this one so late. It was a crazy busy week and I barely made time to take care of my body let alone take care of writing about taking care of my body. You get it!
Below are some blogposts you might have missed! Check them out! <3
Here are some products relevant to this post. I never post products I don't believe in, so if you see it here, it is something I use myself (obviously the cadbury eggs are the most essential part of my training!) If there's something you get or need anyway, getting it here helps me out! Anything you buy I really appreciate it!
Welcome to my blog! I've been blogging for a long time on various platforms. My intention has never been to reach the masses, but rather to give myself a chance to reflect and journal. I feel it at least challenges me to be somewhat coherent, however you can expect ramblings and grammatical incorrectness here!
I've recently been diagnosed with CECS and fPAES and had it treated with BOTOX of all things... So I suspect to see more and more people looking for answers with that in the future and hope to continue blogging so there will be easy to access follow-ups as that was helpful for me.